WHAT JUST HAPPENED? – WEEKEND IN REVIEW

Posted in SPORTS on February 1, 2010 by thebigpaulbowski

I woke up on Sunday afternoon and couldn’t believe what I was reading on the internet. It seemed that the hockey Gods were working overtime and wanted to give us something to talk about. So here we go…

1. Phaneuf and Cuthbert join the Leafs – Two years ago he was the second coming of Al MacInnis, now he’s a Maple Leaf. Big weekend for Toronto, as first they blow a three goal lead and then they trade half their team.Elisha Cuthbert

2. Winners keep Winning – The Canucks kept their winning streak alive as did the Caps and Sens. Watch out for Thursday night as Van City brings the Sedin show into Ottawa.

3. #16 for Fed – Roger won his record 16th major early Sunday morning. He easily handled Andy Murray on his way to the record books.

4. Edge Returns – For all you wrestling fans, the Royal Rumble was on Sunday night. Canadian Adam Copeland aka Edge made his return as a surprise entry into the Rumble. Edge had been out since rupturing his achilles tendon last year. Edge came into the Rumble as the second last entry and eliminated John Cena for the big win.

edge

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JAYS ARE BUILDING NOT REBUILDING

Posted in SPORTS on January 30, 2010 by K-CITY

With spring training only one month away and opening day at the beginning of March, I have dedicated a whole instalment of TGTBTU to the Blue Jay’s roster. If you don’t like the Jay’s screw you and stay tuned for more meaningless posts about boobs, balls, and boners.

we love bjs

THE GOOD:

With Frasor an almost sure thing for opening day closer, his support crew will include Downs, Carlson, Camp, Tallet, Roenicke, Hayhurst, Janssen, Accardo, Zinicola. In my opinion, the bullpen looks pretty good even with the missing tattooed fastball throwing arm of Brandon League.

Aaron Hill and Adam Lind will be returning after career years. Aaron is an all-star second baseman with a bat handcrafted by angels. Adam will likely return as DH to bag more homers than Lurleen Lumpkin.

Shortstop pick-up A. Gonzalez looks poised to be a decent addition to the Jays left-infield. He had an all-star appearance in 1999, won a ring with Florida in 2003 and has a career .247 batting average. He is only around for a year but hopefully, by the grace of the baseball gods, we could see John McDonald somehow get some pop in his bat because he stops more balls than (insert sluts name)’s chin and is one of the fan favorites here in Toronto.

jays streakerTHE BAD:

With the Doc gone, one possible starting rotation is Romero, Marcum, Morrow, Rzepczynski, and Cecil, with Richmond, Purcey and McGowan also available. This is highly tentative though because almost all of these guys other than Romero could easily make or break their job in spring training.

 

THE UGLY:

In order to become a contender in the impossible AL East, every position must be cemented with a Grade A player. Though newly signed former Royal John Buck is good for a few homers and a decent average, he is only here for one year and doesn’t even really have a back-up let alone a replacement.

The only sure thing in the outfield is that Vernon Wells will be standing in centre field eating Spitz with one hand down the front of his pants. He is the perfect example of why seven year contracts don’t work. Last year, his blatant laziness produced many dropped balls and a stretch of 41 games without a homerun. Do you ever wonder why during a 0-for-21 spell he never gets mad or throws a helmet? It’s because he plain and simple does not give a fuck. If I was going to make $12.5 million this year regardless of stats, I wouldn’t try that hard either…. oh wait….. yes I would.

 

 

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LOST SEASON 6 – FIRST FOUR MINUTES ONLINE

Posted in ENTERTAINMENT, MISC. on January 29, 2010 by thebigpaulbowski

I’m a huge Lost fan, so when I found the first four minutes of next weeks season premiere online I thought, “I need to post this”. Then I watched it and realized that it’s three and half minutes of things we’ve seen before and fifteen seconds of something new. If you want to check it out go here, for everyone else, here’s a picture of Anna Kournikova. Look she’s playing her tennis racket like a guitar, clever stuff.

anna-kournikova

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FRIDAY FREE-FOR-ALL

Posted in SPORTS on January 29, 2010 by thebigpaulbowski

Saturday is hockey day in Canada and Sunday is the men’s tennis final down under. Today is the day we hit the pub, drink Keith’s and eat burning hot wings. So lets get to it.

1. Ottawa over Montreal -145 – Alfie and the boys look to win their franchise record ninth straight. They’ll get it done on home ice here as they continue to get stellar goaltending and timely goals.

leafsfan

2. The Canucks over the Leafs –150 – The Canucks fly into to Toronto on Saturday looking to keep their win streak alive. No surprise here as they keep rolling and the Leafs keep sliding.

3. Pro Bowl over 54 1/2 – The NFL made a huge move this year, moving their annual all-star game to the week before the Super Bowl. I love the fact that it’s at the same location as the big game but I hate the fact that no one’s playing in the big game.

4. Federer over Murray –180 – I remember two years ago the guys over at PTI said that Roger Federer was done and he wouldn’t win another Major. Since then he’s won three and been in the finals at the two he lost. Look for him to pick up major number six-teen this weekend, and if we aren’t already, lets start calling him the best ever.

fed

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HOW TO PEE WITH MORNING WOOD

Posted in MORNING WOOD on January 29, 2010 by K-CITY

pee with wood

As men, we often wake in the morning with what most scientists call “morning wood”. Us laymen call it “nocturnal penile tumescence”.

In 2005, Bancroft hypothesized that,

The noradrenergic neurons of the locus ceruleus are inhibitory to penile erection, and that the cessation of their discharge that occurs during REM sleep may allow testosterone-related excitatory actions to manifest as NPT.

Question is, how do you pee with said morning wood without painting the bathroom walls and ceiling?

One theory, as illustrated above is the lunge.

I use the bend over forwards as far as I can, trying to bend the NPT downwards.

What do you do?

And what is another cause of morning wood? Oh ya! It’s this web site. HERE YOU GO!

lumberjack girl “Prepare to have your nocturnal penile tumescence chopped down like a tree.”

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LET’S GO STREAKING!!

Posted in SPORTS on January 29, 2010 by thebigpaulbowski

streaking

Some big winning streaks going on in the NHL right now. The Sens and Capitals have both won eight in a row while the Vancouver Canucks aren’t too far behind with six consecutive victories. Over in the NBA our beloved Raptors have overcome trailing double-digits to win four straight and the Calgary Flames have even jumped on the band-wagon, starting a nice streak of there own.

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COMIN’ FOR THAT NUMBER ONE SPOT!!

Posted in MISC. on January 28, 2010 by K-CITY

The HMB? Crew has made another appearance at the Wingporium, searching for the position of General for THE BIG PAULBOWSKI on the Wall Of Flame.

I officially witnessed TBP throw back a full pound of the Black Mamba wings in less than 5 minutes.

In related news, here is 5 reasons why the IPAD SUCKS:

No camera, no USB, no multi-tasking, no flash, no VOIP, to big to bring, to small to use, no disk drive, touch keyboard, half the hard drive my Zune has, huge bezel, fingerprints, no hdmi, no dvi, 4:3, nice eyes, hmb?

stoned girl Thanks to BRAD HICKS for the pic.

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